a little note about the #realy #nostr #relay access control scheme that i created
it is based on follow and mute lists because these are public events that almost all clients can modify, usually with one or two clicks/taps
they could be based on a brand new kind of private friends list that the relay doesn't give out to anyone, just a configuration, but this would require also negotiating all those clients out there that i would like to use my relay to add a feature and that's simply ... idk, is retarded too strong a word for expecting other people to adapt to your model?
they all use this publicly advertised social relations lists scheme, and thus it is already there, and friction on that is already now zero
next step in the logic of why to do it this way is to consider the situation where one person is on a #realy that is private or paid, and has this ACL system running
the way it works now, is that the user follows some npub, and assuming that said npub has not won being on the mute list of the designated owner keys (either by the owner being a private relay runner, even potentialy home relay runner with a tunnel to enable inbound access) then automatically the relay has whitelisted this other user, which means they can now post DMs to the relay and they can post their replies tagging this user who is on the relay owner's whitelist (paid or friend)
so, then, what happens if we have two people on two separate private relays, and neither follow each other yet
someone on one user's relay, either the private/paid one or another, bumps into a poast from this other user, and they think they would like to have a conversation, maybe even ask a question in private
but the other user is also on a private relay
so, two things have to happen
one: the relay has to provide the essential data about this other user so their posts can be displayed, the profile metadata, mainly
two: there has to be a low friction way for one of the users to signal an intent to interact... the simplest way is that they already have their inbox relay set to their private relay, and they then modify their follow list to include this new desired conversation partner
automatically the #realy then has allowed the other person outside to now auth and post notes to the relay, and all that is required then is for the initiatee's nip-65 client to spot this in a thread that they want to interact in, with this other user, and reply to their post, and voila, they can reply, and the initator can now receive messages, and the initiatee can write them, and, potentially now read also DMs, privately, that #realy already restricts access to relevant parties, and to make the connection complete the initiatee need only "follow" the other user
done!
there might be some cases where you just want to follow that other person, and their stuff is only available on a private relay, then i guess you have to pay to see it if the other person doesn't reciprocate, that's how it is in a social context, groupies are irritating, go away
but people who want to actually have conversations, AND use private, access controlled relays, there has to be a bridging mechanism
i think about it this way
if i go to a nightclub that has private reserved spaces where i can basically rent the alcove/table for the night, then logically this also implies that the guests have to be allowed
likewise, realy's access control scheme lets you signal that someone is a welcome guest on the relay, by following them
zero friction, and a simple model that anyone can understand, and this allows conversations to start from one side that don't require you to push the other side into an active role
that's the purpose of the #realy access control scheme - solving teh problem of discoverability of social connections while enforcing spam control using whitelists, which are the most effective spam control method that exists, that isn't susceptible to middleman manipulation or error
in addition to this, realy doesn't send you messages authored by people on your mute list
so it totally respects your right to have your own private space on the relay, and if it's a good space, then maybe the "guests" of paying customers will become paying customers also for this good network